Friday, July 22, 2011

The hardest woman to love.

I recently read an article about women who grew up in broken homes. It says that those kind of women are the hardest to love since they expect the man to leave. Growing up in a broken home myself, I think there are really psychological effects on growing up without a father. All my life, I've always long for a father's love. I'm lucky I have a mother who raised me alone, provided me with everything I need but it's just different; I feel incomplete.

At school, I always envy my friends who are close with their fathers. I secretly observe them and daydream that my father will do the same for me. It's like you have a security blanket, you're assured no one will dare to hurt you cause you have a father who's looking after you. Some classmates even teased me, "wala kay papa" (you don't have a dad) and that really hurt me.

Maybe that's why I don't fully trust men. I'm afraid of commitment because I don't want to be left alone and get hurt. Yes, I got abandonment issues. I don't want to fully give my everything to someone, I always save more for myself so if ever I'll be left, I won't lose everything. I want to make the right choices before diving into relationships because I will always think about the future. I don't want my future 'children' to be like me who grew up in a broken home, without a father.

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